Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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