Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize