I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
