did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize