M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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