I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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