She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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