My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize