im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
