you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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