How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You took a bar mat shot.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
