great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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