he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
