it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
