Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
