I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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