All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
