Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
