What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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