His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
