Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
