and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
