just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
