jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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