Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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