He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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