I just cut my nipple shaving
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
