from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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