Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
