i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize