I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
