The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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