The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
