i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
