Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
