It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
