from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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