my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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