When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
