Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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