i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
