I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
