i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
