I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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