MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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