lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
