Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
