Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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