I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are we still banned from the library?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
