Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?