dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
