What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
