can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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