never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
