Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize