We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
