I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
