when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
